I know it has been awhile since I have written anything, but here I go.
In my last blog I stopped my story with me being in the hospital in May of last year. So on May 16, 2017, I was admitted into hospital because my medication was not working and my body was done. The doctors did another colonoscopy on me and basically said there was no improvement from the one in November of 2016. I could continue to try controlling it with medications but I would have to eventually have my colon and rectum removed, in about two years or I could go ahead now with it. I didn’t even hesitate for a minute, told them let’s do this take it out. There was no thinking about it nothing like that, but I was at peace with the decision. I knew I was making the right choice for me. Now don’t get me wrong, during this process after the surgery and the other ones to come, there were doubts and days that I thought I couldn’t and didn’t want to go on.
So on May 25, 2017, I was taken into surgery and Tish was born. This was the 1st step of three surgeries to create a pouch. After this first surgery I felt great ready to go but Tish was not ready. They had to take me back in on the 26th and redo Tish a portion of her was not getting a good blood supply. Wow, the 2nd surgery did a number on me. I would spend from May 16 to July 6, 2017 in the hospital/rehab center. Most of this time was due to the fact that Tish and I didn’t like each other. We were having trouble finding a bagging system that would work. For most the system or bag should be changed every three to four days. Well, I was luck if a got a few hours. We did eventually find a system that if I was I lucky I would get maybe two days. Most of the time I was not that lucky.
I hated Tish! Most days I wanted to die! It didn’t matter that I had this truly amazing support system, I wanted to quit, be done. Although, I say the support system didn’t matter it truly did. I focused on my son, even though he is in his 20’s, I focused on him. I couldn’t be a quitter because of him! My family their love, support and encouragement was awesome! There was one friend that their positive nature and support helped me more than that person knows.
The emotional side of this disease is something that you can’t prepare for. You don’t live what people would consider a normal life. There are stages in which your emotions are all over the place. Changing from I can’t do this to fuck you UC you will not take me down!
I’m not strong! I’m scared!